I’d fought like many of women before me not to be this… I’d thought of myself better off and that was a lie. Then one day I thought I should tell the whole truth.
It’s a cultural thing of the fatherless to be caged little birds. Or the tattered strings before the rainbow’s that hold us together after suicide or murder, the blackout, the taste of fear starts with the lump in the throat. Fatherless
Sets in after the world goes on like nothing ever happened.
Daggers for words, words that cut/ daggers:
if there’s everything I can do let us know. Your father was a great man. You don’t see it now because you’re too young but eventually, the pain subsides. You’ll be okay. He’s In a better place. God has called them home.
Fear leaves a sour taste in the mouth. The disrupting truth I’d hate to admit but I’ve considered suicide with three kids and a halfway supportive husband. He doesn’t know this…
I’ve tied sheets around my neck, tied them to the other end of the bed but I couldn’t do it. I never wanted my kids to suffer like me.
So here it goes.. it’s the one kindness I could count on.
Guide to the Fatherless (like me):
When everyone forgets and they tell you to move on or they use these double-edged daggers “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps”
1) Here’s what you can do: Tell your story even if you cry, if you discover the ugliness of the truths. Tell it anyway.
2) When you feel nothing else matters: and you need to get through the hard spots. I found laughter even if it’s for a split second. Laughter offers the small spots of relief. https://chopra.com/articles/6-reasons-why-laughter-is-the-best-medicine
3) Find laughter in something. It’s said through plenty of research laughter is medicine so find laughter and laugh often.
4) When there are moments the tears come in waves: don’t stop the water from falling. Cry if you must. Its a sign of life. So cry on…
5) Go old school: listen to the classics if its gospel, or the spirituals or be-boop or old-school hip-hop. Zone out to uplifting things it helps a great of suffering
6) If you can’t tell anyone you trust: find an animal friend they are great companions.
7) The old saying “Dance it Out”: It works dance out the rage or the hurt, the confusion the loneliness, the hate
8) Find faith in something: For me, it’s been prayer, Long talks with God during the night has gotten me through the next morning. it’s allowed me to keep what sanity I have left.
Prayer has offered much relief this year alone
I lost a cousin to suicide and that’s when the loss of my father came back all at once.
Yes, I’ve been on my knees silently when I can’t speak. On my knees when all I can do is cry- sobbing for hours. Even debating and reasoning with God.
This is my short list and by no means is this the be-all-end-all answers to this
So feel free to add on to it. I’m thinking of making this a
Guidebook in print more to come. Please share your thoughts if you like
P.S. your kindness sister Krissy Mosley