I met a Buddhist monk once. I knocked on the door of Camden Temple. He couldn’t look me in the face.”No women!” he shouted. The door slammed.
I knocked again, he answered, “go to Philly and learn from the English Buddhist they will receive you.”
I explained “but I’m here to see David.
David told me to come.”
The Buddhist bowed with many apologies. Bowing still, he opened the door. I walked into the prayer chamber. The OM before me was overwhelming. The Buddhist resumed their prayers, as David and I greeted one another.
David sat down with me. As I confessed my hearts desires for coming. I wanted answers. I wanted to know more. I sat there pregnant and all. In a small wooden chair. The air was filled with rice and curry. The OM illuminating. I took it all in.
I told David, recently I’ve been kicked out of a church. They had to let us go. When I say us, I mean my husband and me along with my two-year-old daughter. Now I’m not coming here to say we are right, oh so righteous by no means. I have many faults.
The church acted in their best interest. I believe at the time. They weren’t out to hurt anyone. Nor stop us from attending service. It’s just my husband was the pastor and me the wife. Well, they couldn’t afford to pay him anymore. I thought they went about it the wrong way.
David replied, “no one is wrong and no one is right.”
“It just is.”
I repeated, “it just is.”
I replied,” but he was willing to Pastor for free and
after four years of serving this community that’s it huh?”
He said, “And so you must let it be.”
I paused. Tried to take it in.
Pushing David, “so what do you mean?”
He replied “let it. Be.”
“but,” I said
“I feel like I got put out of the church”. What a slap in the face!” A punch in the gut!
“That’s never supposed to happen.”
David stood up and return with a book from Eckart Tolle “A New Earth”
“Once you’d allowed the pain you feel to pass.
Once you’ve given over to God the hurt.
Please don’t wear it, don’t swallow it.
Suffering will consume you. If you resist.
You must be still.”
I quieted myself, as David walked away from the table.
He said a mouth full. This time, he returned to explain further.
The chanting you hear, the kneeling you see.
It’s not for show. It’s for the suffering.
The path of allowing. Stillness.”
I soon thanked him for meeting with me. More quietness filled the room. After listening to the chanting and prayers for a while. I left quietly.
I still think about this special time. If I hadn’t been put out of that church. I would have journeyed on as usual. I wouldn’t have reason to seek out more divine answers. Or hear the OM. So now, when I experience suffering, I try and be still. I can’t say I’m successful. Nor have I mastered letting go.
What I am saying, that no “blaming part”, the monk shared with me. I carry that.
In their path, the church was right.
I am no god/no judge/ no jury.
And all the unanswered things/like people being shot in the churches. Innocent lives lost. I don’t have the answers. I do know, there is much suffering.
I know, I will not allow it to consume me. I pray for the hurt of this world. I know that’s not what God intended. No matter how doubtful it may seem.
I know, I’m not in control, so this too, I’m learning to let it be.
God has the final say over the earth. I believe we’re all capable of letting the hurt out once in a while.
Allowing love in a little more~your kindness sister Krissy Mosley
(it’s been six years, I’m just coming into courage/to share this)