Lord, You Know Better Than I:

SHIRLEY.png

It was a Sunday afternoon. The air was crisp and chilled. We’d all come straight home after worship. I had an eerie feeling, one that I just couldn’t shake.

Something of a memory I’d tripled, saran-wrapped. To make sure no one else, not even I could pry open but then, nothing could stop that feeling.

So I flung the door open. The succulent plant was where I left it. The living room light was still on. The children entertained themselves in the background. Soft dainty flares of citrus and vanilla added a nice touch. I knew I was home but as soon as I shut the door. I said, “Lord I could use some good news right now.”

The phone in my purse vibrated. I answered it. The voice on the other end sounded tired but peaceful.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Shirley.”

That was my grandma’s name. All of my short life we’ve called her Shirley, not grandma. She preferred it. She wasn’t into being an old lady nor anybody’s’ grandma for that matter. Shirley was her name. She needed people to say it, so we did just that.

Me: “Hi Shirley”
Shirley: “When are you coming home?”
Me: “I’m thinking of coming to Texas in the spring. Why?
“Is everything okay?” I heard you were in the hospital.”
Shirley: “Just come home.”
Me: “I’ll be there before you know it.”

In early spring, I’d packed up my three little babies. I put my babies in the car. Said my prayers and drunk loads and loads of coffee on the road. Which did not settle the nerves, I think it was the coffee. I’m pretty sure it was.

I started seeing trees everywhere. Trees on the road. Trees crossing the roads. Trees waving as I drove by. Trees standing in the sun. Trees dancing in the distance. Trees walking out the National Forest. Trees beyond the horizon. Trees accompanying me onto the highway. Trees walking out of the midst. So many trees, they were talking to me.

After 72 long hours on the road. We made it back to San Antonio T.X.
Shirley held my youngest daughter in her hands. She had a stroke a few days before we arrived. She couldn’t speak.

As the nurse walked in, she said: “my, my, Shirley all these grandbabies are yours!” Shirley smiled. I brushed her hair through like old times. I remembered, she never liked the ends to frizz up. I made sure to get that part right.

I told her, “Shirley I didn’t have ten kids, as you wanted.”(inside joke) “I only had three and that boat has sailed. I wasn’t planning to have any more.” She laughed as if she could burst right-out of that sick bed. Get up and become her old self one more time.

It was the last time, I’d see Shirley alive. So now when I get that eerie feeling, I think of trees and Shirley.~your Kindness sister Krissy

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Published by: Visionariekind

Krissy Mosley is a story-teller. Recalling stories to build bridges of peace. A folklorist to bring sounds of joy and healing vibrations. Krissy Marie is a writer /feminist, mother advocating for change surrounding women’s rights and women's’ issues.

Categories Poetry7 Comments

7 thoughts on “Lord, You Know Better Than I:”

  1. KRISSY!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!! I believe we are kindred spirits, I’ve felt this before, a year before my mother’s illness took her from us. She was keeping a big secret…she didn’t want any treatment and hadn’t seen the doctor, but she knew. I had a sick feeling in my stomach for a whole year, I was living in El Paso, TX (military family stuff–at Ft. Bliss) and I felt this. I knew someone was ill and I felt it was my Mom. I’ve felt my Nurse’s “sick sense” many times over, but not often for my own family. This sick stomach didn’t go away until after my Mom passed in 2006 from Metastatic Ovarian Cancer; 06/06/2006 my Mother Barbara went to see Jesus and I was so happy she wasn’t suffering anymore. You can feel this too!!! The trees were a symbol of the things she couldn’t say to you about her leaving? And you tapped into it, no I can’t come right now, I’m busy. Just, I will be there soon. What a beautiful way to say, “I Love you, Miss you and I want to visit with the children and you and say goodbye.” We are on the right track, I always wanted to tap into my spirituality; because at times I’ve felt “Spiritually Bankrupt.” I will leave a helper with you, a small portion of a gift…the Holy Spirit. I knew their was something special about you. I’m really sorry for the loss of you Shirley, she sounded like a very special person.
    Blessings Krissy,
    Monique

    1. wow! You nailed it… Things said and unsaid, and mostly felt through and through. Monique, you have gift to see and hear the spirit , for healing. I truly can’t say thank you enough and might I add it was all God that gave this to you. Its something profound when we can tap into the spirit to navigate in both realms it’s the only way we can thrive. So when I’m out of orbit its because I haven’t tapped- in. Reading this, just when I needed it most,(you’d gone through something similar) okay I didn’t want to cry or start sobbing but hey, that’s healing right… big hugs to you my friend πŸ’•πŸ˜Š

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