Dear 30 days of thankfulness and counting…
Posting posted notes on my living room wall. I was unclear if I truly had an overabundance of reasons to be thankful. Okay, I was apprehensive in posting. Not sure if this would change the well-being of life into the here and now. Live in the moment. Relish the moment, graciously, wholeheartedly as the budda says “drink tea, no really drink the tea”.
Beyond that extensive cluster of making a living, providing for the souls of three children. Whose needs surpass my own. Good education, spiritual, and home. Keep the heat going, keep the lights on. Gifts for Christmas. Quality family time no cell phones, no facebook. Just good old fashion laughter, stories and plenty of food.
Now I’m deeply holding on to air. Floating particles of dust on my fingertips. Wind in my ears. Stillness in the room. Listening to the silence. Gurggling icebox frozen cubes being made. Soft tingling sensation underneath the bed of my feet. Relax. Winding down.
See the missing link in thankfulness. One long unbroken chain, not just thankful for the things I had, but those I didn’t. My repossessed car of 2012, no longer carrying this burden, thankful. The job I’ve aspired to receive but didn’t. No pressure, nothing loss. The skin issues with eczema are dormant. You get the point. These material illusions mostly made out of a perspective that life’s only good if I have this, or drive that, or look like that.
Thankfulness is empowerment, gives me the grit to be 5’1. One hundred and twenty pounds. Dark Skinned, dreadlocks, a gap in my teeth, burn scar in my right hand, broken nail-index finger, nail polish chipping, no manicure, running on the inadequacy of motherhood, returning student, third time around.
Reach. Goal. Reach. Reach. Reach. Goal. Goal. Goal. (Why, Stop)
The missing link,
never- arriving, “many rivers to cross”
“listening to the river,” “many faces of the river”
“meetings at the river” “blessings in the river”
flowing mountains, standing still
God’s got it,
A surrendered- thankful
~kindness sis. Krissy