when rain speaks she has no shallow dexterity she holds the bosom of skies in peaceful mothering’s broken drops of purpose, going back before the days of moses,
she smells familiar, like the beginning, a leaping exodus, barring wide -stirrings
billows, openings and moaning’s to songs of mercy ditty-breaks, of breathing rain, heaving -heavy her chorus, of holy wonder, dimensions and multitudes will look upon her… she is poet, and prophet, falling with the sunrise, and rising with the night sky.
From time to time, the person I no longer -am has come to say goodbye. And it’s okay. I want the old me to know. I see you. Bowed head, shrinking back. Third-degree burn on your right hand. I see you. Oh! How have we grown as the years have gone on.
The scars I was carrying have no weight on who I am now. I won’t dismiss the facts. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs. And the trail of deaths runs deep.
I have come back to take you by the hand, to lead you into a glorious departure. I’m better now, as are you. The little girl in me is cheering, every scar, every wounded hole, every dark night of the soul, We are the answered prayers of treacherous nights. We are the songs of holy grail, that’s right!
This time last year, I was dealing with so much loss. Life was slowly eating away at me. I told myself if I was to survive, I would need to make mental- changes. For me, that’s getting back to the basics. And dragging my kids along for the ride. Hoping they’d be better too.
There’s still much work to be done. A few days ago, I was sitting in a meditative state. When I heard a whisper “there’s nothing eating you.” As I opened my eyes, I looked around, no one’s in the room. That’s when I knew the changes I’m making are bringing in this new way of being. As I let go of old habits, becoming more aware of unwanted cycles. Embracing what is, the things I can’t change. Releasing old ideas that no longer serve me. I give myself permission to relax, I give myself permission, that it’s okay to feel everything, and it’s okay to let everything be as it is. As I now, let go. I give myself permission to let the light carry me.
Some things are changing…
All of my past eczema, itchiness has cleared up. I’m not as restless as I used to be, my A -personality type can finally relax. Woo-sah!
Here’s My list of six things that’s working for me:
* keeping an email journal by writing an email to me (no more excuses of not keeping a journal)
* pause before each next thing taking three to five breaths in the car, in the kitchen, etc.
* playing the old inspirational- spirituals brought my soul back from a dark place
* stay on a clean eating path – for me no sugar, no coffee, no junk,
* family time, and time for myself – that includes healing movements
* And trading in my yelling for a few Woo-sah, throughout the day (parents’ you understand)
I am Eva -former refugee, doctor and a writer. My parents were Holocaust survivors, I escaped communism. I wrote a novel, mixing family stories and fiction. A novel about Holocaust, communism, racism and emigration. What makes people leave, and what happens to the ones who do, and to the ones who stay. I believe these old stories are more important now than ever before.